Consent or Control?


So, you haven't seen your children for months, apart from a couple of hours at the weekend in which the Evil Queen has insisted that you are supervised (or spied on!) by either herself or members of her family (for reasons which cannot be justified, other than the fact that she is perpetuating the myth (to anyone who will listen) that you are The Wicked Father), and the day of the first Court hearing is fast approaching. What are you expecting?

You spend hours responding to various emails from her Evil Minion (her solicitor) approving the Court bundle and reading her position statement and C1A forms which continue to perpetuate the myth that you are The Wicked Father. Unfortunately, in the eyes of the law (and you are guilty until proved innocent) she is entitled to her opinions and you cannot contest these until you actually arrive in Court. Your fear is already building.


The day of the hearing arrives, and you are terrified as you are representing yourself in order to keep the costs down. (See previous posts on Spousal Maintenance and Court costs). Your best suit (that you only wear for weddings and funerals) has been retrieved from the back of the wardrobe, your shirt is freshly ironed and your shoes are polished. You feel like you are on trial for a crime that you didn't commit, especially as you pass through Court Security!

Then you are forced to sit in a waiting room that has not only been taken over by the Evil Queen and her supporters, but also by many other Evil Queen's, whilst the men are generally reduced to mice in the corners of the room. You hear every comment that is made about yourself but you have to bite your tongue...after all you have done nothing wrong.

You wait and wait...and eventually you are called into the Court room. The Evil Minion gathers up all of his evidence...and so does the Evil Queen. After what seems like an eternity, in which your character is assassinated even further, the Judge (or Magistrates) send you away to discuss a proposal for a Consent Order. This is something that you are BOTH meant to come to an agreement on. It would appear that they don't really want to make a decision for themselves!

After the first Court hearing, Prince Charming agreed to a Consent Order that meant that the children could actually spend time in our home for a few hours every week. This was considerable progress as he had gone eight months without any sort of measurable contact, and all he wanted to do was to prove that he was a good father (as he previously had been!). Another hearing was then set for September of that year.

Fast forward to July, and everything was fine from our point of view. However, the Court bundles arrived and the usual rubbish was being spouted. The kids were unsettled, wetting the bed (never at our house!) and didn't want to stay overnight (although they had told us on numerous occasions that they did!).

At the Court Hearing, several Magistrates were tasked were presiding over the case. The Wicked Stepmother sat in the waiting room, ignoring the verbal abuse that she was being subjected to by the Evil Queen's family, including the comments directed at their newborn daughter! In the meantime, and as per expectations, the Magistrates were demanding that the Evil Queen and Prince Charming came to some decisions for themselves. So, they went away and the Evil Queen came back with her demands.

So, what were these demands? Well, number one...Prince Charming could have the children for one hour per fortnight on a Monday as long as they were provided with a meal during this time! Number two...he could have them for three hours per fortnight every other Friday from 6.00pm to 9.00pm...as long as no-one else was present, including The Wicked Stepmother and their newborn half-sister! Number three...he could have them once a fortnight on Friday and Saturday nights on the condition that they were taken to their swimming lessons on Saturday mornings and to Catholic Church on Sunday Mornings (Prince Charming is an atheist and the Step-Munchkins and the Evil Queen had never been regular Church goers!).

However, Prince Charming agreed to all of this...and why?! Because the Magistrates had insisted that an Order needed to be made before they went on their lunch break...because he was unable to read the draft Order properly due to the verbal abuse being hurled at him in the waiting room by the Evil Queen and her family...and because he had no access to legal representation at the time. And because, most of all, having contact with his children was the most important, despite the provisos.

We have been threatened on numerous occasions with returning to Court for non-attendance and Church or swimming lessons, whether this be due to illness or other affecting factors.

Therefore, the question needs to be asked...are these Consent Orders or Control Orders when fathers are just simply desperate to see their children?!





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