tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19222399922829403692024-02-21T17:36:18.990+00:00The Wicked Stepmother
Life isn't a fairy tale...as a Mum of four, Step-Mum of two and a teacher, life certainly has it's ups and downs!
Please follow my blog and feel free to comment or join me on Twitter or Facebook.The Wicked Stepmotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02527180280102492257noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922239992282940369.post-44201878437699108392017-08-15T04:06:00.001+01:002017-08-15T08:51:19.686+01:00Top Five Tuesday! Five Things I Have Learned During The School Holidays!<br />
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During the School Holidays, I am forced to spend time with my own Munchkins...rather than other people's kids! It is during this time that I learn all kinds of different things that I had never known or realised before...like the fact that (and please don't judge me for this!) I could never be a Stay-At-Home Mum, and that day-time television is simply appalling! I must, however, admit to watching the odd episode of Jeremy Kyle! There is a slightly morbid satisfaction in realising that there are people out there whose lives are far more complicated that ours!<br />
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Anyway, here I go with my Top Five School Holiday revelations.<br />
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<strong><u>1. Youtube Kids</u></strong></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxL0D3q7Zs6cVz-0mTczONSgnTqYp4n1sBKXPyGrfboPweUYsjVa5bFDMLzBB6C9kWmFjjOtqQ709KndFDbq59ZBfTPawtlfjGGHdXOywwrGMJhHwvaQmWQYGFYKC7VgvPDbFnBzvicNQ/s1600/youtubekids.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="538" data-original-width="800" height="215" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxL0D3q7Zs6cVz-0mTczONSgnTqYp4n1sBKXPyGrfboPweUYsjVa5bFDMLzBB6C9kWmFjjOtqQ709KndFDbq59ZBfTPawtlfjGGHdXOywwrGMJhHwvaQmWQYGFYKC7VgvPDbFnBzvicNQ/s320/youtubekids.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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This has been a revelation on two completely different levels. Having older Munchkins, I have simply relied on the filters to ensure that the content that they watch is suitable. However, these do not always work...as I have discovered with the Peppa Pig-obsessed two year old. Endless hours of listening to the Peppa Pig theme tune and Daddy Pig being berated by everyone for his general incompetence had kind of numbed me...until I heard some strange noises coming from the tablet. Out of curiosity, I retrieved the tablet to be greeted by this...</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyODybnK8qVQ-aJPHaqTIfpXfwOv6YK96NQ1XsRQkZXvj9coM-TwSmiC6NNJ_2YdMRErfm3D93_TjwnX7fBfwUb_x4SUq51hwwPyEw2ZXd53HoC03-aopdTwFaYr8eqyKKe3nhrjMJ2Ps/s1600/peppa+pig.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="1280" height="112" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyODybnK8qVQ-aJPHaqTIfpXfwOv6YK96NQ1XsRQkZXvj9coM-TwSmiC6NNJ_2YdMRErfm3D93_TjwnX7fBfwUb_x4SUq51hwwPyEw2ZXd53HoC03-aopdTwFaYr8eqyKKe3nhrjMJ2Ps/s200/peppa+pig.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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My two year old was watching Peppa Pig commit suicide! Not only this but, upon checking her viewing history, I was mortified to discover that she had also watched Daddy Pig being murdered by Freddy Krueger...What sort of sick people are out there?!</div>
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Upon confessing my failings as a mother to my own mother, she helpfully pointed me in the direction of Youtube Kids. This has meant hours of peace and quiet...safe in the knowledge that my two year old is no longer watching her favourite characters being made into bacon!</div>
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<strong><u>2. Tea</u></strong></div>
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This isn't really a revelation...I drink far too much tea! When you realise that you have got through an 80 box of teabags in a week, you are probably drinking way too much and it's time to give TDA (Tea Drinkers Anonymous!). It's a good job that I don't have sugar in my tea or I would probably look something like this:</div>
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It's also a good job that I'm not a coffee drinker...or I would literally be on the ceiling all day! </div>
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My normal day (on a work day) consists of two cups of tea before I leave the house, two more when I drop the Munchkins at my mother's house, and another one when I arrive at work. This is then usually followed by a cup at break time, one at lunch time and another at the end of the day. This also doesn't include when I have a free period! On arriving home, I can probably guarantee drinking at least another four or five cups! </div>
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Methinks, an intervention might be needed, family and friends! </div>
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<strong><u>3. There is a famine in my house!</u></strong> </div>
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For some reason, the Munchkins are permanently hungry during the school holidays...despite having a set schedule during the School Year! And, apparently, there is never any food in the house that they like...despite the same food occupying the kitchen cupboards, fridge and freezer! Maybe it's because there is a stockpile of Tesco Value Multi-pack crisps (see my previous post on <a href="https://thewickedstepmother1.blogspot.co.uk/2017/08/entertaining-munchkins.html">Entertaining the Munchkins</a>!) or because they have realised that the Nutella is actually Aldi's Nutoka (as it always has been!)! They never know what they want....unless it has an horrific sugar content, is full of E numbers, or is <a href="https://thewickedstepmother1.blogspot.co.uk/2017/08/top-five-tuesday-five-things-i-wish-i.html">Cookie Monster Fudge</a>!</div>
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<strong><u>4. There are more people living in my house than I knew about!</u></strong></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVgKzVoMoj29KdjXYE_5T9h7u87F1poo_0ek1qhK_2jm85lMPNgq2ygpCOMwdFj1wQsqe2CjKsARr48x3QqkA2HMIQIezCcFXjuwKaGPqp7ecKK6LVy4jiDHg7IbTwgewh5oQuMtfLAzY/s1600/laundry1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="275" data-original-width="183" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVgKzVoMoj29KdjXYE_5T9h7u87F1poo_0ek1qhK_2jm85lMPNgq2ygpCOMwdFj1wQsqe2CjKsARr48x3QqkA2HMIQIezCcFXjuwKaGPqp7ecKK6LVy4jiDHg7IbTwgewh5oQuMtfLAzY/s1600/laundry1.jpg" /></a></div>
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How do I know this? Because every laundry basket in my house looks like this! Now, I must admit that I am spoiled by my mother during term time because she washes all of the Munchkins uniform for me...but how the heck can they create so much laundry during the School Holidays?! Kim Kardashian probably changes her clothes less than our kids! I appreciate the fact that my twins are ten years old, and become increasingly fashion-conscious, but really?! Sitting on your tablet or laptop watching Youtube does not require several changes of outfit! And for God's sake, you are all now old enough to separate your pants and socks from your trousers and turn them the right way!</div>
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<strong><u>5. There is no such thing as a lie-in!</u></strong></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFOt5dB1l0UGQHMzho8IWubU_WTxnH0gS0x47l-HFeKtcMTuJCqw5nJKJLlQu0cLqE741iVt0pZHVPx3WzTaiiaJVJvcqx25Ou_7_cxZz_q9yB8Qg0OYQGSBJQ8kNE_TgKxpu4mPDy9YY/s1600/lie+in.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="412" data-original-width="634" height="129" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFOt5dB1l0UGQHMzho8IWubU_WTxnH0gS0x47l-HFeKtcMTuJCqw5nJKJLlQu0cLqE741iVt0pZHVPx3WzTaiiaJVJvcqx25Ou_7_cxZz_q9yB8Qg0OYQGSBJQ8kNE_TgKxpu4mPDy9YY/s200/lie+in.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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Well, the time on the clock would definitely be a lie-in for me....and I definitely do not look as good in the morning as the woman in the image (Ask Prince Charming about my open-mouthed drooling and morning hair that resembles Einstein or Ken Dodd!)!</div>
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It doesn't matter how much we try to wear the Munchkins out...they are still up at the crack of dawn! Thank God for tablets and Youtube (Bad Parent Alert!)! This might gain me an extra half an hour...but I still need to get up and do <a href="https://thewickedstepmother1.blogspot.co.uk/2017/08/top-five-tuesday-five-things-i-wish-i.html">Prince Charming's lunch!</a> You might ask why...but he does do most of the cooking...and I do feel guilty that I get thirteen weeks holiday per year...and I am still trying to prove that I am a Domestic Goddess!!</div>
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Please feel free to comment below or follow me on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/thewickedstepmother1/">Facebook </a>and leave your comments there xx</div>
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<strong><u></u></strong>The Wicked Stepmotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02527180280102492257noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922239992282940369.post-12187323680391236732017-08-14T22:47:00.002+01:002017-08-14T23:24:50.318+01:00Beware of the wolf wearing Granny's nightdress! <div style="text-align: left;">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">How the Social Worker would like you to see them!</td></tr>
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Before you think that this is going to be rant about ALL Social Workers, it is most categorically not. There has been plenty of bad press about Social Workers, probably due to the nature of the job that they do, and yes, there are bad Social Workers out there (in the same way that there are bad teachers, bad mechanics and bad drivers!) but there are also good Social Workers! In fact, I have several friends who are Social Workers and fully appreciate how difficult their jobs can be, both professionally and personally. There is the fact that they are dealing with people's lives, particularly children's lives (and, undoubtedly, some horrific situations), the endless mounds of paperwork, difficult clients, and there is also the constant travelling from one visit or meeting to another.<br />
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Our involvement came after the Evil Queen coerced the boy Step-Munchkin into making <a href="https://thewickedstepmother1.blogspot.co.uk/2017/08/the-pinocchio-effect-false-allegations.html">false allegations</a> to the Police about his father threatening him. During his "voluntary" interview at the Police Station, Prince Charming gave the interviewing officers a diary of disclosures that his children had made about the Evil Queen and her mother. This was not out of spite, as we had been keeping this diary for months, but purely because we hadn't seen the children in nearly a month and could not be satisfied about their safety.<br />
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The children were then made subject to a PPO (Police Protection Order) which meant that the Police removed them to a place of safety which was Prince Charming's mother's home. On the following day we received a phone call from the Social Worker, who had been involved with the case for three weeks but have never bothered contacting us, which would could only be described as threatening and aggressive.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglTzzp4sVueXAz3SiZ9KJOqK94aHD_56JmC7xR8gfOF7WTvzxpU4dIZOucNVD1EjunMvhxZnzSfSpcwJlR2jzbaHVeOW6mFnV1_TJglMJ9WAFmeyFiHUubQj5dO486ZaKFlD0duCMkGDU/s1600/wolfblood.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="208" data-original-width="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglTzzp4sVueXAz3SiZ9KJOqK94aHD_56JmC7xR8gfOF7WTvzxpU4dIZOucNVD1EjunMvhxZnzSfSpcwJlR2jzbaHVeOW6mFnV1_TJglMJ9WAFmeyFiHUubQj5dO486ZaKFlD0duCMkGDU/s1600/wolfblood.png" /></a></div>
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She informed us that, if we did not meet with her demands, she would return the children to their mother, which she did anyway (twenty four hours before the PPO was finished, and without any consultation with the Police). We attempted to do this (which cost us nearly £100 in taxis and fuel which she also refused to reimburse) but she still returned the children anyway.<br />
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However, being the reasonable (and, somewhat stupidly, trusting) people that we are, we agreed to meet with her in our home! She arrived, and her whole attitude was somewhat different. She agreed that the Evil Queen needed psychological help and support, and that her demands were also unreasonable. She even regaled us with tales of her childhood in which her father had hung her from door handles by her plaits (which is completely unacceptable from a Social Worker, although she has since apologised through a third party!).<br />
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Her suggestions were that a Working Agreement should be proposed between both Prince Charming and the Evil Queen, and that she would facilitate this...the main argument being that the current Child Arrangements Order was not working. (See previous post about <a href="https://thewickedstepmother1.blogspot.co.uk/2017/08/consent-or-control.html">Consent Orders</a>).<br />
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We proposed new arrangements, which she ignored until challenged, and then claimed that Prince Charming was being unreasonable in refusing to collect the children from Nursery and School...despite the fact that he works from 9.00am to 5.30pm in order to pay the Evil Queen's <a href="https://thewickedstepmother1.blogspot.co.uk/2017/07/spousal-maintenance-or-blood-money.html">Spousal Maintenance</a>! So we awaited the outcome of her assessment...<br />
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And then it came! To say we were astounded, disgusted and sickened by the assessment would be somewhat of an understatement! Not only had everything we said been ignored, everything that was factual had been recorded inaccurately...and the rest of the report consisted entirely of lies!<br />
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So we complained....and we complained...and we are still complaining over a year later. The Council are ignoring us time after time, giving excuse after excuse and generally fobbing us off in the hope that we will go away...but we won't. Our evidence is water-tight and we will fight until the end!<br />
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Today we discovered that this so-called Social Worker is not registered with the HCPC, which is a legal requirement - therefore she has either removed herself from the register to avoid a disciplinary hearing on her Fitness to Practice...or she was never registered in the first place - Watch this space for further news!<br />
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Birmingham City Council, a message to you...your Children's Services is a joke! If you cannot see why Ofsted rated you as inadequate...why so many children have died under your so-called supervision...and why so many other children are suffering, you need to hang your head in shame.<br />
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This is not the end, and neither is this even half of the story...but there are some things better said elsewhere. However, we will see this through to the bitter end and that's a promise!<br />
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<img height="50" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioYjo6tbsGwIQ2y3o-giwqWlKk9QdNWreSsYPc-rgntXCdsQPyLUmQGNL1lyQxqVcSvNfXsUQXmmcsD7YwG7tgmkG8A5qhPPB2LOQPdJhAGnt5RzKSgyS5lu0eFibr_jroBpd4gCt6qcw/s1600/wolf.png" style="left: 416px; opacity: 0.3; position: absolute; top: 53.66px;" width="96" />The Wicked Stepmotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02527180280102492257noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922239992282940369.post-66161296260594221122017-08-13T12:11:00.002+01:002017-08-13T18:12:34.459+01:00Selling The Castle<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl1ljd_9HbA8enDmu-FlV15cMvf8kgYWP2WTI5XoIGRIRTa340c2w1qNu3wm1lSxOwoa_8azXrrnJTzHVP7CIYGJIoxAAEaEYp_LCT5KNc-Be6qNkWTcIIBH-hf4b2jtgcqg_d1i9Ze48/s1600/sold1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="143" data-original-width="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl1ljd_9HbA8enDmu-FlV15cMvf8kgYWP2WTI5XoIGRIRTa340c2w1qNu3wm1lSxOwoa_8azXrrnJTzHVP7CIYGJIoxAAEaEYp_LCT5KNc-Be6qNkWTcIIBH-hf4b2jtgcqg_d1i9Ze48/s1600/sold1.jpg" /></a></div>
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So, yesterday the not-quite-yet-ex-husband informed me that he was planning on selling the house that we had brought together, returned to together after we became man and wife, and the home that we had brought our three children home from the hospital to. It had been valued, he had found a buyer and agreed a sale price. Now, I should probably be mad at the fact that he had not consulted me about any of this (and, in the past, I probably would have been) but, to be honest, I'm not quite sure how I feel at the moment.<br />
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On one hand, it is a step nearer to closure on our relationship but, on the other hand, I guess I feel at little bit sad that the home our children grew up in will no longer be their home with their father. They adjusted pretty well to their mother living in a different place, which also became their home, probably because they still had the additional security of the home that that they had grown up in. Now, that is going but neither of us are ready to tell them yet.<br />
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Unlike most marital break-ups, I was the one who left the matrimonial home. This was down to several reasons:<br />
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1. I was the one who ended the marriage and perhaps, in some way, I felt guilty.<br />
2. I didn't want to disrupt the Munchkins any further that it was necessary.<br />
3. He refused to leave (and I thought I was the stubborn one!)<br />
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So, I left the house with a bag containing enough clothes to get me through the week at work and nothing else. The rest of my belongings I retrieved from the bin bags in the front garden, about two weeks later, where they had been unceremoniously dumped by the not-quite-yet-ex-husband who had also changed the locks. (Why do all spurned ex's feel it necessary to do this?!) He did, however, do me the courtesy of informing me that was where my stuff was...so that I could collect it before it was stolen!<br />
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In the following weeks, more of my belongings (books, CDs, DVDs...and our wedding DVD!) were returned in dribs and drabs when he dropped the Munchkins off, in order to erase me from the house. However, I am painfully aware that, whilst I had my material possessions, the sentimental items such as the Munchkins' memory boxes remained in the house.<br />
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To be honest, I never really liked the house and it never truly felt like a home, apart from the people in it. It was a disaster from the moment we had our offer accepted. Our moving in date was delayed time and time again and we ended up sleeping on an airbed at his mother's house for a while, with all our belongings in storage. <br />
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Shortly after this we decided to fit a new kitchen. Having had them recommended to us, we decided to go with Kitchens Direct (Google Vance Miller or the Kitchen Gangster if you want to learn more!). Items arrived damaged but were replaced, the delivery drivers smashed the front of our new fridge freezer, and we made some rookie mistakes like paying their fitters 50% in advance. The result?! We were left with a half-installed kitchen which we then had to pay someone else to finish installing.<br />
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Following this, I came down with a mystery illness which left me with <a href="http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Chronic-fatigue-syndrome/Pages/Introduction.aspx">Post-Viral Fatigue Syndrome</a> which left me virtually bed-ridden and unable to work in the eight months leading up to our wedding.<br />
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At one point, we decided that we had outgrown the house so we decided to sell it in part-exchange for a new build...until the survey suggested that there was possible evidence of subsidence which obviously dropped the price that they were willing to pay, leaving us unable to afford the move.<br />
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Of course, there were obviously happy times in the house, especially bringing our three daughters home from the hospital and watching them grow up into the confident, intelligent and well-mannered girls that they are...but I will never look upon the house with the fondness that I know many people have for their homes.<br />
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So, here we are and all I can do is wait to see what happens next. What belongings will he give me from the house? How much will he decide I deserve from the sale? And most importantly, how will this impact on the children?The Wicked Stepmotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02527180280102492257noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922239992282940369.post-75451386016479991032017-08-10T15:56:00.002+01:002017-08-10T15:58:37.147+01:00Consent or Control?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7KDJKOi5Wkqe2mb4CRWf02TVyOllwVbzf8Tq3OICwPLCYEyPsGxSXxGi89xiAqwW4RK_NvkwHq1xJQTUGSOZtNCMVWtSW1hVgGjX1hdSifD7CJ1b3bQ6aUir7gklWLSA8WhdZVV4x3MQ/s1600/consent.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="275" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7KDJKOi5Wkqe2mb4CRWf02TVyOllwVbzf8Tq3OICwPLCYEyPsGxSXxGi89xiAqwW4RK_NvkwHq1xJQTUGSOZtNCMVWtSW1hVgGjX1hdSifD7CJ1b3bQ6aUir7gklWLSA8WhdZVV4x3MQ/s1600/consent.jpg" /></a></div>
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So, you haven't seen your children for months, apart from a couple of hours at the weekend in which the Evil Queen has insisted that you are supervised (or spied on!) by either herself or members of her family (for reasons which cannot be justified, other than the fact that she is perpetuating the myth (to anyone who will listen) that you are <a href="https://thewickedstepmother1.blogspot.co.uk/2017/07/the-wicked-father.html">The Wicked Father</a>), and the day of the first Court hearing is fast approaching. What are you expecting?<br />
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You spend hours responding to various emails from her Evil Minion (her solicitor) approving the Court bundle and reading her position statement and C1A forms which continue to perpetuate the myth that you are <a href="https://thewickedstepmother1.blogspot.co.uk/2017/07/the-wicked-father.html">The Wicked Father.</a> Unfortunately, in the eyes of the law (and you are guilty until proved innocent) she is entitled to her opinions and you cannot contest these until you actually arrive in Court. Your fear is already building.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCuBdU5zWYDaHDxbO4vYDkAUjtsy7B29uD9ZE64A1QMrZN3hBZ5kZwnaeA9vOa64dyFGBwtkOhH0TlECgAa9PuacfXgFLuxJfBwb11aNel8j7ovfBRLyCxYrBafnU956Sj5UzKwMjijGQ/s1600/bundle.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="153" data-original-width="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCuBdU5zWYDaHDxbO4vYDkAUjtsy7B29uD9ZE64A1QMrZN3hBZ5kZwnaeA9vOa64dyFGBwtkOhH0TlECgAa9PuacfXgFLuxJfBwb11aNel8j7ovfBRLyCxYrBafnU956Sj5UzKwMjijGQ/s1600/bundle.png" /></a></div>
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The day of the hearing arrives, and you are terrified as you are representing yourself in order to keep the costs down. (See previous posts on <a href="https://thewickedstepmother1.blogspot.co.uk/2017/07/spousal-maintenance-or-blood-money.html">Spousal Maintenance</a> and <a href="https://thewickedstepmother1.blogspot.co.uk/2017/08/counting-cost-of-court.html">Court costs).</a> Your best suit (that you only wear for weddings and funerals) has been retrieved from the back of the wardrobe, your shirt is freshly ironed and your shoes are polished. You feel like you are on trial for a crime that you didn't commit, especially as you pass through Court Security!<br />
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Then you are forced to sit in a waiting room that has not only been taken over by the Evil Queen and her supporters, but also by many other Evil Queen's, whilst the men are generally reduced to mice in the corners of the room. You hear every comment that is made about yourself but you have to bite your tongue...after all you have done nothing wrong.<br />
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You wait and wait...and eventually you are called into the Court room. The Evil Minion gathers up all of his evidence...and so does the Evil Queen. After what seems like an eternity, in which your character is assassinated even further, the Judge (or Magistrates) send you away to discuss a proposal for a Consent Order. This is something that you are BOTH meant to come to an agreement on. It would appear that they don't really want to make a decision for themselves!<br />
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After the first Court hearing, Prince Charming agreed to a Consent Order that meant that the children could actually spend time in our home for a few hours every week. This was considerable progress as he had gone eight months without any sort of measurable contact, and all he wanted to do was to prove that he was a good father (as he previously had been!). Another hearing was then set for September of that year.<br />
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Fast forward to July, and everything was fine from our point of view. However, the Court bundles arrived and the usual rubbish was being spouted. The kids were unsettled, wetting the bed (never at our house!) and didn't want to stay overnight (although they had told us on numerous occasions that they did!). <br />
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At the Court Hearing, several Magistrates were tasked were presiding over the case. The Wicked Stepmother sat in the waiting room, ignoring the verbal abuse that she was being subjected to by the Evil Queen's family, including the comments directed at their newborn daughter! In the meantime, and as per expectations, the Magistrates were demanding that the Evil Queen and Prince Charming came to some decisions for themselves. So, they went away and the Evil Queen came back with her demands.<br />
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So, what were these demands? Well, number one...Prince Charming could have the children for one hour per fortnight on a Monday as long as they were provided with a meal during this time! Number two...he could have them for three hours per fortnight every other Friday from 6.00pm to 9.00pm...as long as no-one else was present, including The Wicked Stepmother and their newborn half-sister! Number three...he could have them once a fortnight on Friday and Saturday nights on the condition that they were taken to their swimming lessons on Saturday mornings and to Catholic Church on Sunday Mornings (Prince Charming is an atheist and the Step-Munchkins and the Evil Queen had never been regular Church goers!).<br />
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However, Prince Charming agreed to all of this...and why?! Because the Magistrates had insisted that an Order needed to be made before they went on their lunch break...because he was unable to read the draft Order properly due to the verbal abuse being hurled at him in the waiting room by the Evil Queen and her family...and because he had no access to legal representation at the time. And because, most of all, having contact with his children was the most important, despite the provisos.<br />
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We have been threatened on numerous occasions with returning to Court for non-attendance and Church or swimming lessons, whether this be due to illness or other affecting factors.<br />
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Therefore, the question needs to be asked...are these Consent Orders or Control Orders when fathers are just simply desperate to see their children?!<br />
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<br />The Wicked Stepmotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02527180280102492257noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922239992282940369.post-73517385047170838312017-08-10T09:46:00.002+01:002017-08-10T09:47:26.386+01:00Ding Dong The Witch is Dead! - Living in fear of the Step-Munchkins<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVg6DkjTsVytMKym2oPtghp6pSr8-YrYgcwLmVTGgHzk56jG2IFohYJ5UxAbiKks_ptnw17zFAikschyselGzBXi-MauFC88wVMqXVemWbVLSsK_LBXl_za4zADK5QZJ9AYqQ2ougD0R4/s1600/deadwitch.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="726" data-original-width="500" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVg6DkjTsVytMKym2oPtghp6pSr8-YrYgcwLmVTGgHzk56jG2IFohYJ5UxAbiKks_ptnw17zFAikschyselGzBXi-MauFC88wVMqXVemWbVLSsK_LBXl_za4zADK5QZJ9AYqQ2ougD0R4/s320/deadwitch.jpg" width="219" /></a></div>
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The picture above represents perfectly how the Evil Queen would like to see me! However, for those people who are familiar with the musical 'Wicked' (a particular favourite of my twins, who have matching Golinda and Elphaba necklaces! This is for when they actually like each other!), you will know that the Wicked Witch of the West wasn't that bad! Neither am I really that wicked!<br />
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Now, as much as they might drive me crazy at times, I love the Step-Munchkins. They are seven and four years old, and have already been through the emotional distress of seeing their father leave their mother (and, in effect, them) for me. They have also had the emotional upheaval of gaining a half-sister, courtesy of me and their father. This was not planned, I might add, as the Step-Munchkins were conceived through IVF as were my twins as, apparently, both the Wicked Step-Mother and Prince Charming are infertile! Please don't think that I don't feel guilty about this because I do. That is the main reason that I have been the driving force behind Prince Charming's quest for contact and a decent relationship with them over the past three years.<br />
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However, they scare the hell out of me...especially when I am left alone with them. The only thing that has ever terrified me this much in my life (and the friends and family who know me will testify to this!) is The Moomins! If you have never heard of them, please Google them! They are characters in an ancient Swedish cartoon and look somewhat like hippos! If you are wondering why they terrified me this much....watch this <a href="https://youtu.be/H8RqiV_l-2s">episode!</a> (Please don't watch with young children present!).<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYrgrGOWPFMHT8L47YAxll3XVpEU0AWWt3ges8I5TmOWy2RZMgrK46BApDg8PSHiYFYhxIRPxGIsYPOH-o78L4aqsIRSEGYLwNhZ0HUi8U8-5DZqSriGy7EJN4A6munskbkfC-VWDkLgQ/s1600/moomins.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="189" data-original-width="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYrgrGOWPFMHT8L47YAxll3XVpEU0AWWt3ges8I5TmOWy2RZMgrK46BApDg8PSHiYFYhxIRPxGIsYPOH-o78L4aqsIRSEGYLwNhZ0HUi8U8-5DZqSriGy7EJN4A6munskbkfC-VWDkLgQ/s1600/moomins.png" /></a></div>
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So, why am I so terrified of the Step-Munchkins? On a less serious note, it is because one of them is a boy! Those of you who have children of only one gender will hopefully empathise with this. Having only had daughters, I really did not have a clue about boys (Yes, I do teach them...but they don't live with me, thank God!). I remember changing my nephew's nappy for the first time and the shock of seeing extra bits that had the potential to erupt all over me at any point!<br />
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However, the main reason I am terrified of them is the influence that their mother has exerted (and still is exerting) over them. We are more than painfully aware of their potential to lie, from their <a href="https://thewickedstepmother1.blogspot.co.uk/2017/08/the-pinocchio-effect-false-allegations.html">father's experiences</a> involving false allegations to the Police of threatening and aggressive behaviour. We have sat in meeting after meeting with Children's Services listening to Social Workers recounting their various meetings with the Step-Munchkins, in which the children have repeated the same things over and over again, word for word. Have they never heard of Parental Alienation and 'coaching'?!<br />
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To date, the worse accusation aimed at myself is that I once called their mother "a bitch" in their presence. I must admit I probably have called her a "bitch"...and several things that are slightly stronger in content...but NEVER in the presence of the Step-Munchkins.<br />
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However, on one occasion, I took the Step-Munchkins to their swimming lesson whilst their father was at work, but it was only afterwards that I realised the massive risk that I had taken. I had helped them to get into their swimming costumes, dry themselves and then dress themselves afterwards. The potential consequences of this could have been horrendous. Had the Evil Queen chosen to, she could quite easily have 'coached' the Step-Munchkins into making allegations about me that are almost too horrific to consider. As a mother and a teacher, the consequences of such an allegation would have been catastrophic for both my family and my career. I vowed never to put myself in that situation again. <br />
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On a positive note, the fact that the Evil Queen hasn't stooped this low does suggest that there might actually be a glimmer of good in her...either that or she just hadn't thought of it! <br />
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It is almost impossible to have a normal family life, when there is the potential for everything that happens could be misconstrued or twisted in order for The Evil Queen to continue her vendetta. I avoid being in the vicinity when I know the Step-Munchkins are getting dressed, I cannot put my daughter in the bath with her four year old half-sister, I have put a lock on my bedroom door, I physically freeze when they try to hug me...and the list goes on. <br />
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Everything I do, when the Step-Munchkins are here, is controlled by fear...the fear of the power of the Evil Queen. <br />
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<br />The Wicked Stepmotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02527180280102492257noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922239992282940369.post-42663756794146557112017-08-08T15:08:00.003+01:002017-08-13T11:16:39.528+01:00Top Five Tuesday! Five things I wish I had never started!<br />
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Five Things I Wish I Had Never Started!</h2>
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(Apart from this Blog!)</div>
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Last night, for the first time since Father's Day, I put my youngest daughter to bed and read her favourite story to her. Usually she goes straight off to sleep, but last night she refused point-blank to go off. The reason for this is that, for Father's Day, I bought Prince Charming a personalised book from her that they could read together and this has become THEIR ritual. There was no way that she was going to go to sleep until DADDY had read to her! I must admit that there was a pang of jealousy as they laughed and giggled together, and she fell asleep without a murmur, followed by abject panic when I realised that I was never going to be able to get her to sleep on my own again!</div>
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This got me thinking about things that I've done that I wish I had never started. So here are my Top Five!</div>
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<strong><u>1. The Bear!</u></strong></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bear!</td></tr>
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Bear is the youngest child's most treasured possession which she has had from the day she was born. I am regularly awoken from a relatively peaceful sleep to find Bear being thrust in my face and the yelling of "Morning, Mummy!". This is not a pleasant way to be roused in the mornings...especially during the Summer Holidays! There is also the whole bedtime routine in which Bear has to be kissed several hundred times in alternation with the youngest child. This might not seem too much of a problem...but Bear is always manky! (For those people who are unfamiliar with Brummy terms, this means that he is always disgusting and filthy!). No matter how many times I wash Bear, five minutes later he is inevitably just as grubby.</div>
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And then there are those times that Bear is very naughty and hides...usually just before bedtime. Cue plenty of wailing and the troops being sent on a mission to find him so that the small child can go to bed!</div>
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<strong><u>2. Cookie Monster Fudge!</u></strong><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMAtoLx9lJDvSIu8M8usv2u2cfsItVuVKQCbhf_JN8UxVs-B5zRak2y8G_NEBsSIvci4tCN4vnXS8jzVjDwgJdCdSdGCLF4RNH996xdurSO0NnPhi4juoDaNPFQu-jptxB42lbL5t6ylU/s1600/cookie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="1440" height="177" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMAtoLx9lJDvSIu8M8usv2u2cfsItVuVKQCbhf_JN8UxVs-B5zRak2y8G_NEBsSIvci4tCN4vnXS8jzVjDwgJdCdSdGCLF4RNH996xdurSO0NnPhi4juoDaNPFQu-jptxB42lbL5t6ylU/s320/cookie.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Having jumped on the slow cooker bandwagon (which is great when you are a full-time working mum!), I joined many different slow cooker-advocating groups on Facebook, all of whom seemed to have an obsession with Slow Cooker Fudge. So, I thought I would try my hand at it...however, I decided to give it my own special Wicked Stepmother twist! Why do I have these terrible ideas?!</div>
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Basically, slow cooker fudge consists of four bars of the cheapest chocolate you can find, a tin of condensed milk, vanilla essence and butter chucked in the slow cooker and stirred occasionally! However, if you want to be a bit different, you can do what I did...add blue food colouring, cookies and chocolate buttons for eyes to make it (somewhat!) resemble the Cookie Monster! (See the picture above).</div>
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The problem with this is that the amount of sugar in this fudge makes it like Crack for kids! Every weekend I am nagged and nagged and nagged until I give in and make it! Then the Munchkins spend most of the rest of the weekend, hanging around the fridge, drooling and moaning like extras from The Walking Dead!</div>
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<strong><u>3. The Cheeky Monkey Song!</u></strong></div>
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Cheeky Monkey is a stuffed animal that was given to me when I started my first teaching job in 2001. I must admit that I was rather sad at the time and bought him a passport which I got stamped for him wherever I went...he even accompanied me on my honeymoon to Thailand, Australia and Singapore!<br />
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Anyway, as the Step-Munchkins have been forbidden, by the Evil Queen, to bring any personal belongings from their own home, I donated him to the boy Step-Munchkin. One particular night, when he was rather emotional, I invented the Cheeky Monkey Song to cheer him up! Now, you are probably thinking that it has some amazing lyrics with me being an English teacher and all that...Well, I will enlighten you. This is how it goes! <br />
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"He waves his arm. He taps his foot...because he's really funky. He's the ONE, the only ONE. He's Cheeky, Cheeky Monkey!"<br />
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As you can imagine, this song also has actions and emphasis on certain words! So now, every time the Step-Munchkins stay over, I am reduced to a puppeteer akin to something off CBeebies or Sesame Street!<br />
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<strong><u>4. Making Prince Charming's Lunch</u></strong></div>
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So, in the early stages of our relationship I decided that I needed to prove to Prince Charming that I was some sort of domestic goddess. Naturally, that didn't last long (particularly due to teaching full-time, planning and marking in the evenings, and running around after six Munchkins!)! The one thing that did remain, however, was the making of his lunch every morning.</div>
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To start with, it was cheese sandwiches and the odd batch-cooked curry out of the freezer...then it became homemade steak bakes and curry slices, along with homemade chicken tandoori wraps! It even got to the point where his co-workers were also places orders for the lunches...although I must admit that this gave me a bit of an ego boost (Move over, Nigella!)!</div>
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I must spend a least half an hour every morning doing his lunch after taking his order in bed (although I must admit he does a large proportion of the cooking in our house). There is one advantage however...he has learned that, when there is no lunch waiting for him in the morning, he is in the dog-house!!</div>
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<strong><u>5. Letting My Children Have Musical.ly Accounts</u></strong></div>
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Disclaimer: Before you judge me, I am fully aware that they are not really old enough to have musical.ly accounts, however I can assure you that they are closely monitored.</div>
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Since having their accounts, it appears that my children have lost the ability to speak! They spend hours staring at their tablets with their mouths opening and closing, but no sound coming out! I have listened to song after song played at various speeds until even I'm not sure what they sound like properly any more. Bedrooms are left as bomb sites from the various costume changes that are apparently required to film some of these 15 second clips!</div>
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But the most dangerous thing about musical.ly is that you never know where you are going to find them being filmed. I decided (as a totally embarrassing and annoying mother might!) to burst into the girls' bedroom and wiggle my bottom (covered, of course!) at them...only to find my rear end then the star of a new video! I have rushed out of the bathroom naked, having forgotten to take a towel into the shower with me...to find my boobies being filmed jiggling behind one of their heads!</div>
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Be warned...you could find yourself accidentally becoming a musical.ly sensation without even knowing it!</div>
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Please feel free to add your things you wish you had never started in the comments below or follow me on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/thewickedstepmother1/">Facebook</a> and join the comments there x</div>
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The Wicked Stepmotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02527180280102492257noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922239992282940369.post-9277983071636893872017-08-07T19:46:00.000+01:002017-08-10T09:50:43.120+01:00The Pinocchio Effect - False Allegations and The Alienated Child<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I presume you are all familiar with the story of Pinocchio - the wooden puppet whose nose grew longer every time he lied. Eventually, with the help of his conscience, Jiminy Cricket, Pinocchio learns to be a good boy and tell the truth, finally achieving his goal of becoming a real boy.<br />
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Unfortunately, in the case of boys and girls who are being alienated from their fathers by the Evil Queens, this happy ending isn't always these case. These children are often forced to lie so often that eventually the line between lies and reality becomes blurred - they end up believing that what they are being told to say is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. This is highly concerning as childhood is the time when we learn our morals and values, how to follow the rules of society and, most importantly how to treat other human beings. <br />
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We have all told lies at some points in our life whether as children ("No, I didn't eat that last piece of cake in the fridge...I have no idea where the frosting around my mouth came from!"), as employees ("I'm really sorry but I can't come in today as I have the flu...and I really need a duvet day!") and particularly as parents (The Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus spring to mind!)<br />
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My sister is currently perpetuating the lie to her son that the Ice Cream Man only plays his music when he has run out of ice-cream, whilst I have been guilty of writing an apology note from The Tooth Fairy when The Wicked Step-Mother consumed one too many glasses of wine (after a hard day of teaching, I might add in my defence!) and forgot to exchange the tooth for a shiny pound coin! My own parents were also guilty of various offences, in particular the lie that green sweets weren't suitable for children and could only be eaten by adults - I have never eaten a full packet of Starburst as a result of this in my life!<br />
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However, as a result of Parental Alienation, these little white lies are nothing in comparison to the damage that can be done by a lying child.<br />
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Our experiences of the Step-Munchkins turning in Pinocchios began about three months into the separation of Prince Charming and the Evil Queen. At this point, the Evil Queen was still denying any direct contact but was allowing phone calls. To start with, the phone calls had been fine with the Step-Munchkins eager to tell their father what they had been doing, were doing and were going to do...but then this changed. The conversations became somewhat scripted. <br />
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Suddenly they had been nowhere, were nowhere and were going nowhere. The then four-year old boy Step-Munchkin apparently spent every night doing jigsaws, and school consisted of "English, Maths and Science" or "Making Bricks". This continued for months...and if the "Making Bricks" was to be believed, he would have managed to construct a full size replica of The Great Wall of China by now (or been of great assistance to Donald Trump with his Mexican border wall!). However, we ignored this for the sake of maintaining any sort of contact with the Munchkins.<br />
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Things came to a head, however, once Prince Charming had been awarded direct and staying contact by the Family Court, after one particular visit. After a three hour visit, the Munchkins were returned home and we waited for the now-predictable and critical barrage of emails that usually followed every visit. However, this one was certainly not what we expected. The email received stated that she would not tolerate Prince Charming threatening their son, and was calling the Police and Children's Services. This left us completely bemused as to what this supposed "threatening" entailed.<br />
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Now,(digressing a little, as usual!) I don't know about you but if had the Police has been called every time I had threatened my kids, and I had been charged, tried and convicted, I would probably be currently serving more time than Charles Manson - or awaiting my fate on Death Row! <br />
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I am certainly not advocating <a href="https://www.babble.com/babble-voices/15-stupid-threats-from-parents/">threatening your children</a> but we've all done it - from the "If you don't stop crying, I'll give you something to cry about!" to "Don't make me come up there!" - or my personal favourite "Wait until your father comes home!" - but that certainly doesn't make us criminals! It makes us normal parents.<br />
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So we waited..and waited...and waited to find out what exactly Prince Charming was meant to have threatened his son about. In the meantime, ALL contact was denied - direct or otherwise.<br />
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And we waited...and waited...and waited...until over two weeks later when Prince Charming received a phone call from the Police inviting him to a "voluntary" interview "under caution". For those of you who are unfamiliar with these terms, it basically means that, if you don't agree to go and be interviewed, they will come and arrest you in order to interview you!<br />
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Fast forward to the day of the "voluntary" interview...I will spare you the hours of stress that could (and nearly did!) have driven us apart. We arrived at the Police Station where our baby daughter and myself were forced to wait in a room which was clearly set up to put the REAL victims of child abuse at ease, and Prince Charming was taken into the Interview Room by two female Police Officers.<br />
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In the Interview Room he was completely stunned to hear the allegations against himself. He learned that he had taken his son to MacDonald's, on the evening in question, where he had threatened to "punch him in the head" and had accidentally caught him in the face (splitting his lip) whilst waving his hand around in a "threatening manner".<br />
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Firstly, they had NOT gone to MacDonald's on the evening in question (and had the Police been bothered to ask for the CCTV from the restaurant in question on that night, this would have been proven in less than the month it took to close the investigation). Secondly, there was no evidence of any physical injury to his son and, thirdly, he has NEVER threatened his son! <br />
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However, it was then revealed that the boy Step-Munchkin had also then changed his story and that they hadn't visited MacDonald's and the incident had actually taken place in our home where I was not present due to the fact that the Court Order in place forbade me from being there.<br />
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Let me explain....when the Court Order was put in place (by 'consent' in the loosest sense of the word!), the Evil Queen dictated that myself and our daughter were to vacate our home on Friday evenings for three hours in order to allow Prince Charming to spend "quality time" with his other children. Please bear in mind that our daughter, at the time of this "incident" was only nine months old, and had been suffering that day with a viral infection. So, I broke the Court Order! I refused to leave OUR home with OUR ILL daughter that evening, so I was present for the whole time. Unfortunately, the Evil Queen's Magic Mirror was obviously not working that evening!<br />
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Despite the fact that there was no evidence of them being in MacDonald's, no evidence of physical injury, the Step-Boy Munchkin changing his story, myself being present as a witness, it still took over a month for the Police investigation to be closed. Unfortunately, the closure of the investigation did not mean that Social Services were prepared to drop their vendetta against Prince Charming - but that is for a separate post!<br />
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Have the lies stopped? No, no and no! But can we blame the Munchkins? No. They have been the victims of the Evil Queen's lies and indoctrination for three years now, but it isn't their fault; they are just children. We are both living in <a href="https://thewickedstepmother1.blogspot.co.uk/2017/08/ding-dong-witch-is-dead-living-in-fear.html">fear</a> of the next allegation.<br />
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Parental Alienation is still not recognised in many countries outside of the US, and in the UK, the father is still considered to be the antagonistic evil villain. And children lying is just the start of it. Without proper recognition, these children and their relationships with their fathers become damaged, as do their future relationships with others.<br />
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So my message to all of those Evil Queen's out there...By all means, hate the man that left you because he didn't love you. But, remember, that he didn't leave his children because he hates them. Let them love their father, without your alienating them against him. They are children - Let them be children!<br />
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And on a light-hearted note to finish, a recent study has shown that you can prove if someone is lying by the fact that their nose actually does get warmer when they lie. So, get your thermal imaging cameras, or your thermometer out! However, the study also showed that your buttocks get colder if you participate in Flamenco dancing...so you can judge the reliability for yourself!<br />
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Please feel free to post your comments below or follow me on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/thewickedstepmother1/">Facebook</a> and leave your comments there x<br />
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<br />The Wicked Stepmotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02527180280102492257noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922239992282940369.post-38501013263769798672017-08-05T10:00:00.002+01:002017-08-08T16:24:09.455+01:00Entertaining The Munchkins<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Well, you finally have seemed decent (albeit interim Court-ordered) contact with your children...but there is a downside...you now have to feed them, clothe them and, most importantly, entertain them! How on earth are you going to afford that, as most of your income goes straight to the Evil Queen?! (See my previous post on <a href="https://thewickedstepmother1.blogspot.co.uk/2017/07/spousal-maintenance-or-blood-money.html">Spousal Maintenance</a>).<br />
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There are times in our house (with six kids and two adults) when it almost feels like we are living like Hansel and Gretel, and the option of abandoning them in the Woods becomes an increasingly positive proposition. However, the little buggers would probably just use the GPS on their mobile phones to find their way home!<br />
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So, while the Munchkins are munching on their homemade pizza (made with Yellow Sticker mozzarella and accompanied by Yellow Sticker garlic bread), you trawl through the internet looking for inspiration for cheap (or even better, free!) days out.<br />
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For those of you who live in other countries (or are just unfamiliar with the Yellow Sticker....in which case you probably shop at Waitrose!), let me enlighten you. The Yellow Sticker is the Holy Grail for scrimpers, savers...and the families who are being bled dry by the Evil Queen! It is where the supermarkets reduced their nearly out-of-date items to pennies...and you end up with a freezer full of stuff you 'might' use!<br />
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And how do you reach this Holy Grail?! Firstly, you have to time your supermarket visit to perfection (This is the moment that the Evil Queen's Magic Mirror would come in useful!). There are websites and communities devoted to identifying the optimal Yellow Sticker times! This is usually an hour or so before closing time for the optimal bargains.<br />
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Once you have done this, your quest has begun! You find yourself loitering in the fresh food and bread aisles with millions of others who all have the same intention; all of you eyeing each other nervously! There are even some chancers who have put already reduced items in their baskets who are planning to attempt to get them reduced even further!<br />
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Then it happens...the poor old minimum wage Tesco worker arrives with his trolley full of treasures, and it's as if the Wicked Witch of the West has released her troop of flying monkeys! In the melee that ensues arms and elbows are flying...there is even the odd bit of hair-pulling...and, in seconds, the trolley is empty. The victors hurry off to the checkout with their spoils, whilst the others nurse their bruises!<br />
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I have to admit that I have managed to grab a few bargains over the last few weeks including packs of four muffins for 2p each...and my greatest victory to date - a joint of beef reduced from £13.00 to 62p!<br />
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Anyway, I digress (again!). Back to our quest for that family day out. So there's the local theme park, right? Hell no! A quick visit to the Alton Towers website reveals that this will cost us just shy of the princely sum of £340 for the day...minus food and the obligatory souvenirs...and whilst I appreciate this is cheaper if we book in advance, we have to bear in mind that the Evil Queen can (and has!) withdraw contact at any point.<br />
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So there is the cinema...this comes in at a slightly more reasonable £76.52 (excluding snacks and drinks, remember!). However, it is worth remembering that this is only for two hours of entertainment..£40 an hour! It's now becoming painfully clear that the recent article in the <a href="http://www.mirror.co.uk/lifestyle/family/parents-spend-eye-watering-amount-10701985">Mirror</a>, claiming that parents will spend a total of £6.2 billion over the summer holidays is (surprisingly enough for the Mirror) very accurate.<br />
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More searching of Google (This time adding the word 'Free'!) and we discover that our local castle ruins is having a free Medieval Open Day. The ironic thing is that neither of us had realised that these local castle ruins existed...despite the fact that the whole area has 'Castle' in its name! However, this is the one for us!<br />
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The Wicked Stepmother toddles off to Tesco to stock up on drinks and snacks (and returns very excited at having snagged some Yellow Sticker sausage rolls at half price!) whilst Prince Charming gets the Munchkins ready. The picnic is packed (including the Everyday Value multipack of crisps which everyone refuses to eat normally, unless there is nothing else left, in which case they are devoured at a rate of knots!) and the Munchkins are loaded into the cars. Of course, there is the odd protest at the fact there will be no Wi-Fi at the castle so they are not allowed to bring their tablets! You will be outdoorsy kids, damn you!<br />
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We arrive in convoy to be greeted by the usual History Geeks dressed in period costume, who set the Munckins their first quest of collecting symbols from the castle ruins. Great! This should buy us some time to sit down and relax. Wrong! This is completed in record time, and the kids have already claimed their prizes...Gummy Worms!<br />
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So we traipse around the ruins of the castle (which incidentally appear to be no bigger than our house! I presume that 'blended' families were not the norm in those days!), learning about the history of the castle, the jobs people had and the food that they ate. We are even given a recipe book to try out the recipes for ourselves (I wonder if I can get the ingredients on a Yellow Sticker?!), and Prince Charming is quite interested in the idea of making his own beer!<br />
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Then the piece de resistance...a battle! Not just any battle, however. The Munchkins, along with the other fifty kids, are given polystyrene swords and encouraged to stab and batter the hell out of each other! No head shots allowed, however! I sit with my eyes closed and wait for the wailing to start...however, it seems that swordsmanship comes naturally to our brood!<br />
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Worn out from their exertions, they return to devour the aforementioned picnic and copious Capri-Suns (also on offer in Tesco!). Whoever thought that Capri-Suns were a good idea?! Let's put sticky liquid in a pouch and give them to small children who think it's more amusing to squirt it everywhere!<br />
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Now, with the food all gone, the Munchkins are bored! The Wicked Stepmother spots some blackberries in the bushes and sends them off (Bear Grylls style), armed with the leftover trays from the Yellow Sticker sausage rolls, to pick them. Half an hour later, they return...with very few blackberries but with plenty of the juice now staining their clothes!<br />
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Unfortunately it begins to rain, so we pack up and head home. <br />
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Are the Munchkins happy? Yes! A good (and free!) day out was had by all...and we are left feeling slightly more secure in the knowledge that, should we abandon the Munchkins (Hansel and Gretel style!) , they will be able to forage for food for themselves...rather than using my debit card to place an order on Amazon!<br />
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It's not about the amount you spend on entertaining the kids, but the memories that are created. <br />
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The Wicked Stepmotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02527180280102492257noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922239992282940369.post-12893846109339085112017-08-02T13:46:00.002+01:002017-08-08T16:24:49.037+01:00Counting the Cost of Court<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Unless you are Rumpelstiltskin, and you can spin straw into gold, the chances are that after attempting (and failing at) mediation with the Evil Queen (see my previous post <a href="https://thewickedstepmother1.blogspot.co.uk/2017/07/mediating-with-maniacal-queen.html">Mediating with the Maniacal Queen)</a> your pockets will already look something like this:<br />
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However, things are about to get worse! The cost of making an application to the Family Court, just to have contact with your own children, now stands at an eye-watering £255. But there is no other option; everything else you have tried has failed miserably, and your children are probably beginning to forget what you look like right now.<br />
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Searching the web for legal advice, you will come across hundreds of different law firms promising free 30 minute advice sessions. 30 MINUTES?! What on earth can you do in 30 MINUTES? Well, according to <a href="http://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/body/fitness-workouts/a24586/3-steps-to-flat-stomach-in-30-minutes-0841/">Cosmopolitan</a> magazine, I can get a completely flat stomach in 30 minutes...however, after giving birth to four children (including a set of twins), and having a <span style="font-size: x-small;">small</span> penchant for cheese and Prosecco, this is about as likely to happen as Cruella De Vil posing for a new "I'd rather go naked than wear fur" campaign!<br />
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By the time you have poured your heart out to yet another professional (who is rubbing their hands with glee at the thought of a lengthy and prolonged court battle!), and they have presented you with their price list, the 30 minutes is up. So you book another appointment, for two weeks time, to get the ball rolling.<br />
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However, before you are even allowed speak to your solicitor at this next appointment, you have to sign away more of your hard-earned cash (see my previous post on <a href="https://thewickedstepmother1.blogspot.co.uk/2017/07/spousal-maintenance-or-blood-money.html">Spousal Maintenance!)</a> in the form of a repayment schedule for the fees that you are going to incur.<br />
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All that done, you sit down in your solicitor's Ikea-furnished office (which for some reason nearly always seems to be a pokey room in the upstairs of an Estate Agents which is still in the process of renovation!) and she plonks her manila folder (containing the all-important C100 form which she expertly downloaded from the Internet and printed this morning - "That'll be £60 for that, please!") down on the table. <br />
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You go through the form together, and your solicitor fills it in verbatim - "That'll be £400 for that, please! Oh, and the £255 application fee too, please!") and you walk out of the office with your pockets feeling decidedly lighter, but a small sense of satisfaction at knowing the process has begun.<br />
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Hang on! Why is your other half looking at you like this?!:<br />
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Things are going well, aren't they?! NO, THEY ARE BLOODY WELL NOT! <br />
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The explosion that follows puts things into perspective...£400 TO FILL IN A FORM WITH EXACTLY WHAT YOU SAID TO HER! The other half is stamping her feet and is now about to do a Rumpelstilskin herself and explode in anger...she is an English teacher and could have filled in the bloody form on her own! Maybe, just maybe she has a point...a small point, but a point indeed!<br />
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So you agree that all contact with the Vulture (your solicitor) will be limited to telephone calls, emails and letters. That will reduce the costs. <br />
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LIKE HELL IT WILL! The first bill arrives - £800! You have completely forgotten that the hourly rate of £217 quoted in your 'free' session applies, not only to face to face contact, but to any sort of contact! That ten minute phone call in which the Vulture explained that she had posted your C100 form has cost you £43.40 (What is she running?! Some sort of Premium Sex Chat Line?!), whilst the email to you enquiring as to whether you have had the paperwork returned to you from the Court has cost a further £21.70! Time to find an alternative (and significantly cheaper!) option before you need to file another application to the Courts - this time to declare bankruptcy!<br />
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At this point, I would like to make a confession! I am not proud of it, I might add, but following this epiphany, I realised that if we were paying these extortionate fees...so was the Evil Queen! So I took it upon myself to make contact with her Evil Minion (a significant amount of contact, to be honest), knowing full well that she would be charged for every phone call, letter and email. I hoped that she would realise that her vendetta to deny contact was incurring financial costs and well as the emotional costs. Did the Evil Queen care? No! I actually gave up when the Evil Minion charged her £60 for simply reading a letter I had sent (It was a long letter! Remember I am an English teacher!) and she didn't even bat an eyelid!<br />
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So, how can you keep these costs from spiralling out of control (which is coincidentally what happened to Evil Queen who ended up facing a legal bill of £28,000...but, hey, in her mind it was still worth it...even though we got the contact we wanted!)? <br />
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Don't even bother trying to get Legal Aid (especially if you are in a relationship with a new partner, as the Means Test takes into account her income...yes, really, she is expected to pay towards your fight against the Evil Queen!)! Legal Aid is only available in the cases of domestic violence ("Oh yes, Evil Queen, we do understand how violent and abusive he was to you!") or if you can prove that you do not have the disposal income to afford legal help ("Oh yes, Evil Queen, we do understand that you absolutely, definitely, one hundred percent, must have your £2000 holiday this year!").<br />
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Mackenzie Friends have become increasingly more popular as the number of fathers taking their fights to the courtroom has increased. These are not legal professionals nor are they qualified (on the whole), but they can help you to prepare for the hearing, sit with you in the Court and offer advice and support as well as taking notes to help you. However, this is the limit of what they are actually able to do. They do charge a fee for their services, and this varies depending on their own rates.<br />
It is worth bearing in mind that many Mackenzie Friends are people who have been through similar experiences for themselves. However, there is always the risk of employing the services of someone who is not qualified in the field. <br />
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You can go it alone.<br />
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Whilst the paperwork looks quite complicated, anyone with a reasonable grasp of English can fill in the necessary forms and produce their own Position Statements. Google is definitely your friend in this case! But what about Court Bundles? Don't worry about these. If the Evil Queen has her own solicitor, the Court will generally expect them to do this. That is, after all, what the Evil Minion is being paid for!<br />
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Most Family Courts now have a PSU (Personal Support Unit) that you can call on to help you with the different aspects of your fight, including filling in paperwork or even just holding your hand in the courtroom (or jabbing a pen rather forcefully into your leg when it appears to them that you are about to say or do something that you are likely to regret!).<br />
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PSU's are run by volunteers, who are generally new starters to the legal profession looking to gain experience, or retired legal professionals who are either trying to escape the boredom of gardening or who are trying to make amends for the various fathers that they have probably screwed over in their own legal careers (and to make their peace with God before they finally shuffle off this mortal coil!).<br />
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However, they have nothing to financially gain from supporting you and therefore do so without prejudice most of the time. If you are lucky like us, you will acquire the support of a 74 year old ex-magistrate with extensive knowledge of the Family Court system, and who is well-respected by the various Judges on the circuit who will allow him to speak on our behalf which is not the usual protocol. <br />
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This, on its own, does have its downsides. As well as supporting us in the courtroom, he is now a regular fixture in our own living room as he regularly invites himself round for Sunday lunch! This went a little too far a few weeks ago, though, when he decided to take an after-dinner nap! However, he is always on hand, should we need him.<br />
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There are no Fairy Godmother's to come to our rescues in these situations but,to sum up, you can fight the Evil Queen without resorting to giving someone the shirt off your back, or existing on a diet of Tesco's Everyday Value Chicken Noodles!<br />
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If you do decide to go it alone and self-represent, it is worth remembering that there are millions of fathers out there in the same situation. Web sites such as <a href="http://www.separateddads.co.uk/">Separated Dads,</a> <a href="https://fnf.org.uk/">Families Need Fathers</a> and <a href="https://www.dad.info/">Dad Info</a> provide a myriad of information, and host forums in which you can get a wealth of advice and support from people with similar (and often worse!) personal experiences.<br />
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And, of course, there is us! We (or I!) do not claim to be experts in this field but we are all fighting the good fight, and we are happy to try and help and support where we can.<br />
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Please feel free to leave any comments below or follow me on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/thewickedstepmother1/">Facebook</a> and leave your comments there xThe Wicked Stepmotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02527180280102492257noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922239992282940369.post-42211950225407963752017-07-31T15:45:00.000+01:002017-08-08T16:25:25.242+01:00Mediating with the Maniacal Queen<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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After hours, days, weeks, months (and in some cases, even years) of attempting to reason with the Evil Queen to allow you contact with your own children - children who you helped to bring into the world and raise - you realise that your only option is to fight your cause in the Family Courts.<br />
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But it's not even that simple. The Family Court will only consider your application immediately if there has been domestic violence (which of course the Evil Queen has claimed there has been, although there is no evidence to support this), there is a risk to your life or safety (The fact that you feel almost suicidal at this point does not actually count!), or you and the Evil Queen are in agreement as to what should happen (Erm...let's remember why you are actually making the application to the Court!).<br />
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So, the first hoop you have to jump through is attending a Mediation Information & Assessment Meeting (otherwise known as a MIAM). You meet with a mediator to discuss your issues and decide if there is any hope that you can resolve this issues outside of the Courts. And the cost? This will cost you the princely sum of somewhere between £30 and £160. <br />
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You trudge off to your first meeting and part with nearly one-third of your hard-earned weekly wages, bearing in mind that the rest of your cash has already been swallowed up by the Evil Queen's previous financial demands (See my previous post <a href="https://thewickedstepmother1.blogspot.co.uk/2017/07/spousal-maintenance-or-blood-money.html">Spousal Maintenance or Bloody Money?!</a>), and pour your heart out to a complete stranger. But it's all good because they are a qualified mediator, right?!<br />
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Well, what exactly is a qualified Family Mediator? To become a fully-fledged Family Mediator, you have to undergo six days actual physical training, and two distance learning projects totalling twenty hours. Basically, you are putting your life, and your kids lives, in the hands of someone who has gained a qualification in a week! However, at this point you are willing to try anything to achieve your Happily Ever After.<br />
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Surprisingly enough (and obviously not because they will rake in £100 per session from each of you!), they believe that your case is suitable for mediation. Your initial thoughts spring back to the Evil Queen...have they even actually met her or did she send a decoy in her place?! You will now have to spend hours in a room with her, again begging for the right to have contact with your own children. Have you not already been here before? However, you love your kids, and would sacrifice anything for them...and besides, at least there will be another person in the room to prevent the Evil Queen from killing you!<br />
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Two weeks later, and the day of the first mediation session arrives. You sit in the waiting room, as far away as possible from the Evil Queen, and hand over yet another £100 of your hard-earned wages. And then it begins...You can now see why the Evil Queen agreed to mediation...she has another audience to which she can peddle her lies and allegations to (see my previous post <a href="https://thewickedstepmother1.blogspot.co.uk/2017/07/the-wicked-father.html">The Wicked Father</a>). Again, you sit and listen to the character assassination you have become used to...and can almost recite word for word for yourself! But then, a breakthrough! She agrees to allow you to spend another couple of hours per week with the children. Result!<br />
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A month or two later, and you are back again. The mediator asks how things have been going. The Evil Queen reels off her usual list of issues...whilst you report that everything seems to have been going well. Then the mediator asks that all-important question - "Where do we go from here?"...at which point you turn and see...<br />
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At this point, you can almost read her mind. She has already given you two extra hours per week...How dare anyone suggest that she might need to give you more time with your own children?!<br />
However, she maintains her composure and simply states that things need to happen more slowly "for the children's sake". Slowly?! Slowly?! You were denied any contact whatsoever for over three months, and have been reduced to someone whose kids spend more time with their dinner ladies at school during the week than with their own father! <br />
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Seventeen years of marriage, however, have taught you that it is pointless to try and reason with the Evil Queen, so you state your case for more contact calmly and reasonably. Cue the waterworks...and the assertion that she is "not the type of mother who would deny a father contact with his own children". At the point that the mediator (who is meant to be impartial, by the way!) gives her own opinion that she IS that type of mother, you finally realise that all hope is lost!<br />
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You begrudgingly hand over yet another £100 and trek off home to fill in the application form for the Courts.<br />
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Coming soon - Adventures in the Family Court!<br />
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Please feel free to comment below or follow me on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/thewickedstepmother1/">Facebook </a>and leave any comments there x<br />
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<br />The Wicked Stepmotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02527180280102492257noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922239992282940369.post-55513872064609168232017-07-31T11:30:00.001+01:002017-08-08T16:26:07.557+01:00The Wicked Father<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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While women traditionally get a rough ride in fairy tales - you are either the beautiful, vulnerable heroine or the wicked stepmother or a witch - men become the archetypal hero. Prince Charming rescues Cinderella from her life of drudgery, The Huntsman kills the Granny-devouring wolf and saves Little Red Riding Hood, and the Seven Dwarves allow Snow White to live in their care and protection (albeit in returning for doing all the domestic work in the house...which she can't really complain about as most of it seems to be done by the various woodland creatures who visit! However, in my house that would result in a telephone call to Pest Control...but I digress!).<br />
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Even Aladdin (a thief and a vagabond) turns out to be an all-round good guy, whilst it turns out that the Beast was just simply misunderstood. <br />
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So why do separated fathers suddenly become the devil in disguise?!<br />
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These are the same men that the Evil Queens fell in love with - the men who they married, had children with and spent a significant proportion of their lives with. These are the same men who held their hand and mopped their brows whilst they were in the throes of labour, the same men who got up in the middle of the night (despite having to get up themselves for work in the morning) to share the night feeds and give them a break when they were totally exhausted, and the same men who changed the dirty nappies (while trying not to heave!) and rolled around on the floor, like idiots, to entertain the kids.<br />
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Then what happens? A weird phenomenon seems to occur when the handsome prince leaves the Evil Queen. Following the separation, it seems that all fathers undergo drastic personality changes. Overnight they go from the loving, caring partner, husband and father to emotionally and physically abusive beasts (who have ruined the Evil Queens' entire lives!), misogynists who were never there for their wives and kids and who never raised a hand to help around the house...and, as in many cases, they also suddenly become drug-taking alcoholics!<br />
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So just how does this transformation occur? William Congreve (an English playwright and poet) perhaps summed this up the best in his play, <em>The Mourning Bride</em>, with the line:<br />
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"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned."<br />
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To start with, friends and family will be regaled with tales of all of your shortcomings as a husband and a father. You will discover that you were simply a lodger in the house, and expected to be waited on hand and foot. You will be reminded of arguments that you don't remember ever happening (and most of them probably didn't!). You will realise that your own children don't actually know who you are, as you were never there for them and never spent any time with them (even though you spent hours at the hospital with your son following a game of Lego in which one of the bricks 'accidentally' found its way up his nose!). Your controlling side will be revealed - the one which refused to allow the Evil Queen any time to herself and stopped her from ever leaving the house. And you will be introduced to the Mr Hyde side of your personality which appeared, without your knowledge, to emotionally, verbally and physically abuse the Evil Queen whilst indulging in various immoral pursuits such as snorting cocaine and drinking to excess. Perhaps it's time for you to call the Psychologist at this point!<br />
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If you're lucky, this might be as far as it goes...however, if you are unlucky enough to have to go to the Courts to fight for the right to see your children, expect more revelations!<br />
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There will be further claims of domestic abuse and the neglect of your own children. You will be forced to defend yourself against the hearsay evidence of the Evil Queen (who will probably have spent thousands of pounds employing her evil minion to support her in Court), but unfortunately we still live in a society in which the judicial service is inherently biased against fathers and your defence will fall upon deaf ears. You will hear allegation after allegation against yourself, to the point where you begin to actually wonder if you did actually commit the heinous crimes you are being accused of!<br />
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And her?! Well, she is just perfect in every way...that's why you married her after all! She turns on the waterworks so clearly she MUST be telling the truth.<br />
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But it's not all bad....right?! In most situations now, the Judge will award some sort of contact with the father. It might start off with some (unjustified) supervised contact as it did in our case. Surely no harm can come of that? Well, the Evil Queen announced to the Court that she still had concerns following the 'supervised' contact (which was incidentally supervised by herself and/or her family members). And the concerns?...The other half was "five minutes late" to one session and made an untoward comment in another session (which was a joking "Who's been beating you up?!" when he noticed a bruise on the step-girlchild's face). Fortunately, the Judge saw sense and awarded us staying contact.<br />
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And so that's the end of it...No! This simply gives the Evil Queen more ammunition. Whilst the kids are here, she sits in front of her Magic Mirror, which apparently allows her to see and hear everything that happens in our home, with her notebook and pen to record her 'evidence' to present to anyone else who will listen. And our crimes?! Not having the same dummy for the step-girlchild as the one at her house, not taking the children to church because the road outside our home was a sheet of ice, not putting clothes on the children that were in line with her style...the list goes on! Every email received is a diatribe of the other half's failings as a father.<br />
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You will also be accused of not providing adequately for the Munchkins, and will hear how she is never going to afford to keep a roof over her head - despite her significant <a href="https://thewickedstepmother1.blogspot.co.uk/2017/07/spousal-maintenance-or-blood-money.html">Spousal Maintenance</a>!<br />
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Eventually people get bored of hearing the same trivial things, be it friends and family or the Courts, and the Evil Queen runs out of things to complain about. So that's the end of it...right?! No! She needs to find a new audience so she writes to both of our employers to complain about our "interference" in the lives of her children. Luckily, we both have reasonable employers so her letters are "filed" in the appropriate places!<br />
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But she still won't give up, and this is where we end up at the mercy of Children's Services due to more allegations of a far more serious nature...but that's for a separate blog post! <br />
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Ex-husbands and partners do not simply turn into monsters and villains when they walk out of the door, leaving the Evil Queens behind, nor do they become useless and incompetent fathers. They are still the same men. Maybe some of them do have Beast-like moments, brought on by the constant battles with the Evil Queen (which would take their toll on any reasonable human being), but underneath there is still the Prince Charming - a loving, caring man and, most importantly, father!<br />
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Please feel free to leave any comments below or follow me on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/thewickedstepmother1/">Facebook</a> and add any comments there xThe Wicked Stepmotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02527180280102492257noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922239992282940369.post-21508464921899023392017-07-29T15:16:00.001+01:002017-08-08T16:26:39.611+01:00CARRIER BAG KIDS<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Put your hands up all those people who used to laugh at their mother's stash of carrier bags (which were usually kept under the kitchen sink!)! Well, the last laugh is on them...put your hands up if you now have your own stash!</div>
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Since the implementation of the Government's bag charge, I now probably have more money invested in my kitchen cupboard than I have in my own bank account! Carrier bags of all different shapes, sizes, thicknesses and brands mount a deadly attack every time I open the cupboard door...but this is not the only reason why I hate and detest those dastardly carrier bags!</div>
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Firstly, I dread 1.00pm on Saturdays when my darling daughters are dropped off by their father. Why? Because it is the same routine every weekend. He arrives and the girls jump happily out of the car and disappear into the house in search of their tablets in order to film their latest Musical.ly...leaving me to retrieve their belongings from the boot of his Mazda (with the personalised number plate that no-one actually realises is personalised unless it is explained to them!). </div>
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The boot opens and I am greeted by the sight of lunch bags and book bags...and carrier bags! You might be wondering what the problem with this is, and you may well have decided by now that I suffer with an irrational fear of carrier bags (which incidentally is a recognised phobia known as Plastybolsaphobia!)...well, let me explain. These carrier bags are not packed! Don't get me wrong, they do have some of the girls belongings in them, but the rest of their clothes are strewn across the boot. So I stand there waiting (and cringing!) as he screws up various items of school uniform (which are more than likely still dirty and stained with the remnants of last night's dinner) and thrusts them into the offending bags which I then have to lug into the house on my own.</div>
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Once these bags are deposited into the kitchen, it's onto task two - emptying and sorting them. Now, I am no Maths genius, but even I can count in multiples of three. Three girls = three blazers, three shirts, three skirts, three vests, three pairs of knickers, six socks and six shoes. But is this what I find in the mountain of bags? No! One child is clearly blazerless, one child is knickerless...and one child is clearly hopping to school on Monday in her one shoe! Cue several text messages to ascertain the whereabouts of the missing items, and to arrange for them to be returned.</div>
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So, the bags are emptied and introduced to their fellow carrier bags under the kitchen sink, while I get on with the task of washing and ironing their previous contents as the ex-husband doesn't do washing and ironing (and never did when I lived with him). </div>
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On a lighter note, I was reduced to hysterical laughter last weekend when my ex-husband requested the return of one of the carrier bags that he had brought the girls' school uniform over in. Why? Because it was a Lakeland carrier bag that belonged to his mother! Obviously it had significantly more value that my mere Tesco carrier bags! But you do have to bear in mind that his mother is a real-life Hyacinth Bucket, who has mint imperials in a bowl in the hallway (for visitors only...not family!) and a specific knife that is for butter only (How posh is that?!). </div>
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I must admit, however, that I am probably guilty of committing a similar offence, as I only send the step-munchkins clothes back in the cheap blue carrier bags from the local corner shop! However, in my defence, the Evil Queen is just as bad as she insists on returning things in the same carrier bag as they went in (unless she has been shopping at somewhere slightly more expensive, using the spousal maintenance mentioned in my previous blog!)! For the love of God, they are just carrier bags!!</div>
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But what has this got to do with my blog? <br />
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Well, in an article in The Guardian, a sixteen year old girl was quoted as saying "Having two homes is like putting your life in a couple of carrier bags every week". <br />
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We need to remember that, for those children with separated parents, moving between homes can be a traumatic experience. They are reduced to dragging their favourite teddies, clothes and important mementoes from one house to another in a carrier bag....be it Waitrose, Tesco, Aldi or Lakeland! The step-boychild was most upset when his things were being returned to his mother in a carrier bag via his coat peg at school, as kids were taking the Mickey out of him, so we stopped this and ensured that they were always delivered directly to the Evil Queen. My advice....buy them a bag so that they can transport their belongings without them feeling that they have the sentimental value of a loaf of bread!<br />
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When things go missing, it is a loss to them, and many of them feel that is their responsibility. These are children and these are their lives and memories. As an English teacher, I remember being reduced to tears by a child who was in care. He delivered a presentation to me about being in care, and told me how the worst thing about it was the fact that he always seemed to lose something important to him every time he moved from one place to another. They are children and, as adults, it is our responsibility to make sure that they have what they need and what is theirs.<br />
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Then we also need to remember that things don't belong to a house or a parent, they belong to the child. Their favourite clothes don't exist in one place...they belong to the child. Their favourite teddy doesn't just provide comfort in one place...it is something that makes them feel safe and secure wherever they are. <br />
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So, ditch the carrier bags, drop the "I paid for this so it belongs here" attitude, and realise that the children are not simply "Carrier Bag Kids".<br />
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Please feel free to add any comments below or follow me on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/thewickedstepmother1/">Facebook</a> and leave any comments there x<br />
<br />The Wicked Stepmotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02527180280102492257noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922239992282940369.post-11200732120067187382017-07-28T15:06:00.001+01:002017-08-08T16:26:59.493+01:00Spousal Maintenance or Blood Money?!<br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Whilst there are numerous posts all over the internet about "deadbeat dads" who don't pay a penny towards the upbringing of their children, just who is championing the cause for those fathers who are being bled dry by their ex-wives who are demanding spousal maintenance on top of their child maintenance payments?! The answer is simple - No-one! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">The Family Courts receives application upon application from scorned ex-wives who feel that that have a right to be paid compensation for the injustice caused to them by the fact that their husband has chosen to leave them for whatever reason. And the result? Fathers being forced to pay excessive amounts of cash in order for their ex-wives to live the life of Riley whilst they themselves struggle to maintain any sort of reasonable lifestyle. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">You may be asking "What exactly is this "spousal maintenance"?" Well, it is generally defined as maintenance that is paid by a husband or a wife to their former spouse following a divorce. And its purpose?! Apparently it is paid to</span><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> "meet the ongoing reasonable financial needs of the financially weaker party". So, is this actually the case?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">In our case this is a definitely resounding NO! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">Scenario: I have three children from a previous relationship, and a two year old daughter from our relationship who we support. The step-munchkins stay with us for four days per fortnight, along with two weeks per year for holidays with us, a</span><span style="font-family: "arial";">nd I work full-time and so does the other half. The other half does, and always will, pay Child Maintenance.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">My other half earns approximately £1,520 per month (after tax) based on hours actually worked (bearing in mind there is no sick pay scheme within his employment), whilst the Evil Queen herself takes home £1508 per month (after tax and salaried). So is there a financially weaker party?! I'm not sure that £12 per month is a massive difference! Now let's add on the benefits she receives - Child Tax Credits at £368.03 per month and Child Benefit at £149.06 per month. For those of you who can't be bothered to do the maths, that means her take home per month is £2,025.09 - so, now who is the financially weaker party?! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">I imagine that some of you are now currently screaming at your screens, as you probably do not have that level of income yourselves! But it gets worse!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">So, what happened in the Family Court for us?! Well, she submitted an apparently "reasonable" statement of her income needs, according to the Judge. I won't bore you with the boring stuff, like Council Tax and water rates, but this included £65 per month for cigarettes and alcohol, £40 per month for a mobile phone (which I presume is a gold plated Iphone...and has she never heard of Giffgaff?!), £500 per year for Christmas and birthday presents for two children aged 7 and 4, (I managed to buy birthday and Christmas presents for six children for less than this! Thank you to Argos and the regular 3 for 2 sales on Toys!) and £2500 for a holiday and daytrips (I will admit that we have had two holidays for 8 people this year...but this has cost us about £800 including spending money....Hooray for camping and roughing it, and Tesco Clubcard points!). </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">And the result of the Court hearing?! The Judge ordered the other half to pay spousal maintenance (including Child Maintenance) at £500 per month. Again, I won't bore you with the maths but it now means that his take home pay per month is £1060, whilst hers is £2525.09! I'll ask the question again...who is the financially weaker party?! And to top it off, she claims this is still not enough and she need £2,839.96 to survive each month!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">But it's not all bad, right?! Court Orders have a fixed term normally, so it won't go on forever. No, it won't - but it will go on until she dies (and as she is like the Ever-Living Mumra, for all you 80's children, this is unlikely!), or until she cohabits or re-marries (which being the martyr that she is, or the sociopath that men should and will avoid, is also unlikely), or until the youngest child finishes full-time education (potentially 17 years from now). So the other half is only liable for another £102,000 - again, not all bad, right?!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">You are probably thinking that I have failed to take into account that I work full-time...have you seen the costs of child care for four children under the age of eleven these days?! It's horrendous! I actually (and I can't believe I did this!) looked into benefits we would receive if I gave up work, or the other half gave up work, and we'd be a damn sight better off sadly. But that's not us...we are not scroungers. We work hard to support our kids and always will.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">It's just a shame that some mothers think that they are entitled to a free ride.</span><br />
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Please feel free to add any comments below or follow me on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/thewickedstepmother1/">Facebook</a> and leave any comments there x<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";"></span><span style="font-family: "arial";"></span><br />The Wicked Stepmotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02527180280102492257noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922239992282940369.post-68927861150158288132017-07-27T15:21:00.000+01:002017-07-28T16:22:04.466+01:00Who am I? I'm The Wicked Stepmother!!So, I need to take the opportunity to introduce myself...I am The Wicked Stepmother!<br />
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Actually, I'm not that wicked...nor am I officially the stepmother yet....but I wanted to have the opportunity to share my experiences as a stepmother with you all.<br />
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Life is not a fairy tale, although it does have its moments. I am a mum of four, mum to two step-munchkins, and a full-time teacher, currently living with my partner of three years, and, although ours is a bit of a fairy tale romance, our journey together over the last three years has been more of a horror story! <br />
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Where did it all start?! Well, I met my current partner when I was 17 years old and he was my first and only true love (Please feel free to vomit at this point!). There was twelve months of pure, unadulterated teenage love...then he dumped me! Cue hours of teenage despair and wallowing! Despite this, he remained the love of my life, and I always maintained that I wouldn't know what I would ever do if I met him again....although I clearly know now!<br />
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We had no contact for 19 years, until I accidentally came across him as a friend of a friend on Facebook. (Damn you, Facebook....which coincidentally is now cited in one third of all divorce cases!). I sent him a message congratulating him on the birth of his second child (a daughter) which he didn't see until twelve months later! (He is still a useless technophobe!).<br />
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So New Year's Eve 2013 approached, and I was sitting on the sofa alone (as the husband had gone to bed) drooling after Gary Barlow (I am 40!) when my phone pinged - It was him! So we messaged for a bit...and he finally admitted the reason why he had dumped me...He had cheated on me all those years ago. The Bastard!<br />
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But I now had a reason for why he had dumped me....after feeling like I was nothing for all those years...so what did I agree to?! I agreed to meet him for a drink. You might be asking why...and why I had no self-respect...Well, I planned to walk into that pub, looking the best I could, have a drink then walk out and leave him with my head held high.<br />
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But I couldn't. I walked in and saw him, and every old feeling came rushing back. I was in an unhappy marriage as was he, and I had always carried a torch for him, so when he asked me to meet again, I was powerless to resist. <br />
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So, I met him again...and again...again...until the point came when it was all or nothing. We left our spouses and moved in together. Then, unexpectedly (as we are both apparently infertile and have IVF children!), we found out we were expecting a daughter together, who is now two years old. Would I change it? No!<br />
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So why am I blogging after such a fairy tale story?! Because of the ex-wife! The last three years have been hell. False allegations to the Police and Social Services, parental alienation of the step-munchkins, false allegations to both our workplaces...and the list could go on! <br />
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I want to be able to allow others to see that they are not alone. We have successfully fought our own court cases and taken on Social Services. It's been hard and has take it's toll but we want to support others and bring people together.<br />
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Finally, I may be The Wicked Stepmother, but I don't have the warts...maybe the odd mole and chin hair lolThe Wicked Stepmotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02527180280102492257noreply@blogger.com0