Mediating with the Maniacal Queen
But it's not even that simple. The Family Court will only consider your application immediately if there has been domestic violence (which of course the Evil Queen has claimed there has been, although there is no evidence to support this), there is a risk to your life or safety (The fact that you feel almost suicidal at this point does not actually count!), or you and the Evil Queen are in agreement as to what should happen (Erm...let's remember why you are actually making the application to the Court!).
So, the first hoop you have to jump through is attending a Mediation Information & Assessment Meeting (otherwise known as a MIAM). You meet with a mediator to discuss your issues and decide if there is any hope that you can resolve this issues outside of the Courts. And the cost? This will cost you the princely sum of somewhere between £30 and £160.
You trudge off to your first meeting and part with nearly one-third of your hard-earned weekly wages, bearing in mind that the rest of your cash has already been swallowed up by the Evil Queen's previous financial demands (See my previous post Spousal Maintenance or Bloody Money?!), and pour your heart out to a complete stranger. But it's all good because they are a qualified mediator, right?!
Well, what exactly is a qualified Family Mediator? To become a fully-fledged Family Mediator, you have to undergo six days actual physical training, and two distance learning projects totalling twenty hours. Basically, you are putting your life, and your kids lives, in the hands of someone who has gained a qualification in a week! However, at this point you are willing to try anything to achieve your Happily Ever After.
Surprisingly enough (and obviously not because they will rake in £100 per session from each of you!), they believe that your case is suitable for mediation. Your initial thoughts spring back to the Evil Queen...have they even actually met her or did she send a decoy in her place?! You will now have to spend hours in a room with her, again begging for the right to have contact with your own children. Have you not already been here before? However, you love your kids, and would sacrifice anything for them...and besides, at least there will be another person in the room to prevent the Evil Queen from killing you!
Two weeks later, and the day of the first mediation session arrives. You sit in the waiting room, as far away as possible from the Evil Queen, and hand over yet another £100 of your hard-earned wages. And then it begins...You can now see why the Evil Queen agreed to mediation...she has another audience to which she can peddle her lies and allegations to (see my previous post The Wicked Father). Again, you sit and listen to the character assassination you have become used to...and can almost recite word for word for yourself! But then, a breakthrough! She agrees to allow you to spend another couple of hours per week with the children. Result!
A month or two later, and you are back again. The mediator asks how things have been going. The Evil Queen reels off her usual list of issues...whilst you report that everything seems to have been going well. Then the mediator asks that all-important question - "Where do we go from here?"...at which point you turn and see...
At this point, you can almost read her mind. She has already given you two extra hours per week...How dare anyone suggest that she might need to give you more time with your own children?!
However, she maintains her composure and simply states that things need to happen more slowly "for the children's sake". Slowly?! Slowly?! You were denied any contact whatsoever for over three months, and have been reduced to someone whose kids spend more time with their dinner ladies at school during the week than with their own father!
Seventeen years of marriage, however, have taught you that it is pointless to try and reason with the Evil Queen, so you state your case for more contact calmly and reasonably. Cue the waterworks...and the assertion that she is "not the type of mother who would deny a father contact with his own children". At the point that the mediator (who is meant to be impartial, by the way!) gives her own opinion that she IS that type of mother, you finally realise that all hope is lost!
You begrudgingly hand over yet another £100 and trek off home to fill in the application form for the Courts.
Coming soon - Adventures in the Family Court!
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I am claiming ESA and currently applying to the courts. My options are as follows...
ReplyDeleteIf I am granted residency, I am entitled to have all benefits transferred into my name, as long as I can put in a claim and await the outcome. All good. Apart from the fact that the courts are of the opinion that they want to maintain the status quo as much as possible so as not to upset the children. The fact that they have had their father dragged from their lives for all but a few hours a week, if lucky, doesn't matter. The fact that I have had to attend mediation, which in itself can take months if the ex initially plays ball but then renagues on her agreements, doesn't matter. The fact that men are refused legal aid despite months of applying, doesn't matter.
My other option is this. I can barely afford to keep myself on the ESA I receive. If I am granted shared care, completely 50/50 access to my children, all working tax credits and child benefits are awarded to the mother. She is under no obligation to share any of these benefits and solely decides what the money goes towards - even if that money is spent on going out partying or on a new car. The father gets absolutely nothing, cannot put in a claim, and is left in a situation where he cannot financially support his children.
For someone who is working, the father is a never ending source of funds - forced by the government to pay his ex money which she can spend on literally anything. He has to spend thousands of pounds towards solicitors fees or can represent himself in an effort to gain a few extra hours per week with his children. Shared care is frowned upon - the chances of the government supporting this problem are almost non-existent. http://www.separateddads.co.uk/benefits-system-shared-parenting.html
Is this not the most disgusting situation you have ever been witness to?
In other words, unless you are granted residency BY THE COURTS and are the main carer for your child, financially you cannot support your children if you are claiming ESA, and if you are working will still have to pay through the nose to support your children and be expected to have a limited amount of access.
There are no statistics that are provided by the government, we have no idea what percentage of fathers are given equal access or anything close to it and there is absolutely zero transparency. The courts are supporting political agenda's that save the government billions, make fortunes in maintenance payments from fathers who are treated in return as part time dads and in the meantime a whole industry is profiting from fathers who are simply trying to do the decent thing and be a father (not just contributing their wage packets) to their children.
And in the meantime all the mothers have to do is assassinate the fathers characters and claim they have been victims of domestic violence or that the father is incompetent at looking after his children and the father doesn't stand a chance. Even if the mothers say nothing, the chances of a father having shared care agreed by the courts, of receiving benefits to help support their children, are minimal. In fact there exists the "no order principle" which states that unless there is a conflict over who has the children and how they are cared for, the courts refuse to get involved.